Compassion vs. enabling

There’s a famous story from October 7th about a woman named Rachel from Ofakim.

A terrorist came into her house and she asked him if he was hungry.

She sat him down at her table. Fed him cookies. Gave him something to drink.

She saw that here was a hungry person in front of her. And she fed him.

And he calmed down enough not to kill her. Not to take her hostage. She saved her life by seeing the human being in front of her.

Then the army came and arrested him.

This story shows the power of compassionate understanding taken to the extreme. She was able to see his humanity in the moment – which de-escalated the situation and saved her life.

But – and this is crucial – she didn’t hide him in her basement when the army showed up.

She saw his humanity. She responded to his immediate need. But she didn’t protect him from consequences.

That’s the line between compassion and enabling.

There’s a teaching in Chazal: if you show compassion for a wicked person, you become cruel.

So here’s the nuance: you can have compassion for someone – you can see them as a tzelem Elokim, recognize their needs, understand what drives their behavior – right up until the point where that compassion protects them from justice.

Seeing someone’s humanity doesn’t mean approving of their behavior. Understanding why someone acts a certain way doesn’t mean accepting abuse.

Like Rachel from Ofakim who fed the terrorist cookies and still waited for the army to take him away.

You can have compassion for the person in front of you while also holding clear boundaries about what’s acceptable.

This is true in extreme situations like that story. And it’s true in everyday relationships.

Where do you need to hold both compassion and boundaries?

Supporting your sensitivity,
Rena

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