I hear you (but do you?)

We had so many nights like this early in our marriage.

I’d talk. And talk. And talk. For hours.

My husband would say “yes, yes, I hear you” and nod and show me he was listening.

And then at 3:30am he’d say “I’m tired; I need to go to sleep.”

And I’d feel frustrated because I felt like I’d barely gotten started.

Yes, he was listening, but I wasn’t feeling heard.

When someone just says “yes, yes” and nods, you know they’re listening. But you don’t necessarily know that you’ve been heard.

Active listening means the other person reflects back what you’re saying. They show you they understand. They help you get to the crux of what you’re trying to express.

Without that, you just keep cycling. Saying the same thing in different ways. Trying to land on the words that will finally make them (and you) get it.

And hours later, you’re exhausted and frustrated and nothing has actually moved forward.

This can happen in any conversation where someone needs to feel understood.

Your friend venting about work. Your kid trying to explain something that happened at school. Your neighbor sharing something that’s bothering them.

If all you’re doing is nodding and saying “uh huh,” they’re going to keep talking in circles.

But if you reflect back even just some of what they’re saying – not parroting, but showing you understand – something shifts.

They can check inside: does that resonate? Is that what I mean?

And when it lands, there’s this settling. Like, yes. That’s it. You got it.

That’s when the conversation can actually move forward.

Who in your life needs to feel heard right now?

Supporting your sensitivity,
Rena

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