Why kids escalate when you try to calm them down

When a child’s reality isn’t acknowledged, they have to “notch it up.”

Think about it: if someone hits them and you say “just ignore it,” their nervous system goes into panic. You don’t believe what they’re experiencing is real.

So they have to get BIGGER, LOUDER, MORE INTENSE to get you to see what they’re going through.

We label this as manipulation. It’s not! It’s nervous system survival.

Their inner world is saying “Something important happened to me” and the adult world is saying “No, it didn’t.”

So they escalate until someone finally says “Oh my gosh, you got hurt. That must really upset you.”

Only then can they exhale and start to regulate.

Adults do this too, by the way. When our experience isn’t acknowledged, we either shut down completely or get more intense until someone sees us.

The fastest way to help someone regulate? Acknowledge what’s actually happening for them before trying to move them anywhere else.

Rena

If you want to go deeper:

B’Etzem Israel is enrolling now – my comprehensive training program integrating Torah wisdom with nervous system work and embodied practices. Learn to work with activation (yours and your clients’) with depth and skill. [Learn more here and in the flyers below]

Work with me 1:1 if you’re ready for personalized support in reclaiming your feminine power. [Book a discovery call]​

Supporting your wholeness,
Rena

Training: