I didn’t order these FEELINGS!

Delivery was scheduled for Wednesday.
There would be enough time to have it set up before Shabbos.
I was so excited – dreaming, looking forward.

I opened up one of the boxes and it was… smashed!
The disappointment. The frustration.
​“Why couldn’t they be more careful? More responsible?”​
I judged.

This can be fixed.​
Let me call them up.

The new delivery was set for Sunday – Erev Shavuos.
How can I make the broken look beautiful for Shabbos?
I felt creative, hopeful, innovative.
I joked. I laughed.

Sunday, a big wrapped box arrives.
But wait, this isn’t what I ordered!
Now I have a broken piece and a piece I don’t even need.

The delivery man insists, “It’s exactly what you ordered.”
I second-guess myself.
​Am I crazy?​
I judge myself.

I feel confused. Tired. Overwhelmed.

I take a moment to breathe…
​No, I exclaim. This isn’t the right item.​
I feel strength rise in me.
And I watch as both items are removed from my home.

I feel mixed.
Shavuos… with half.
Half a dream. Half a beauty.

Isru Chag, I call them back.
The earliest delivery? Sunday.
​Sunday?!​
But why?

“Why doesn’t she push me in for an earlier delivery? She can – she just doesn’t want to help me!”​
I judge.
I feel stuck.

The judgments keep coming — now internal:
​“You’re overreacting – it’s just a physical item.”​
​“Just have patience – you’ll have it next week.”​
​“Think positively – it’s all for the best.”

But no.​
I don’t feel calm, patient, or positive.

I feel frustrated.
I feel impatient.
I feel negative.

I feel.

I make space…

More space…

And even more space…

For all those feelings.

I wanted it to be beautiful – for last Shabbos, for Shavuos, for this Shabbos.
And again, I need to wait.
It’s not fair.

Ah, yes…

These feelings – they aren’t just about a delayed delivery.
They’re about something deeper.

A longing for beauty.​
For elevation.​
For togetherness.

These feelings matter.
They’re legitimate.

And as uncomfortable as they are,
They’re allowed to stay…
As long as they need.

And once I give them that space,
There’s room for a breath.
Room for calm.
Room for patience.
Room for positivity.

But not through skipping over the feeling.

Only by feeling.​
Feeling through.​
Through to the very end of the feeling.

And then…
It shifts.
Not into what I expected,
But into something… different.

Something that moves life forward.

I know, this story might seem light or even trivial.
And like many of you, I’m navigating deeper things too.
I choose to share from these everyday moments because they offer rich ground for reflection,
And because they protect the privacy of the more tender, complex parts of my life and my family’s.

If you find yourself feeling things you didn’t “order”…
And you’re tired of judging yourself for it,
This is the kind of work I do with women every day.
There’s space for your real feelings, too.
​Click here to explore working with me.​

Warmly,
Rena