it almost didn’t happen

I was SO sure I didn‘t need to check my admin login information.

The nagging, responsible voice inside me told me that checking it was the professional thing to do.

Of COURSE I wanted to be professional about it, so I went ahead and did so.

It all seemed to be in order.

Five minutes before the webinar was scheduled to start I sat down to set up my slides, make sure my microphone was working, and get ready to press the record button.

However, the webinar software wasn’t recognizing me as the host, so I had no access to those features.

Ok. That’s not supposed to happen.

I logged out, and tried logging back in.

Wrong password.

I tried resetting my password.

I got an “invalid token” error message.

I tried again.

Same thing.

At this point, my 5 minutes early had turned into 10 minutes after the webinar was scheduled to start.

The participants were starting to email me asking me if I was still planning on giving the webinar.

And that’s when the panic set in.

Did it last 15 seconds? 30? A whole minute? Not sure.

During that short time, the thoughts whizzing through my head were:

“Ugh, forget it. There’s no point of trying to make this happen. I’ve already made a fool out of myself. No one’s going to join me at this point. They’ve all written me off as incompetent. If I just ignore this and pretend it didn‘t happen then a bunch of people in the world will think I’m so unprofessional. I’ll live with that. Anything to not go ahead with this disaster of a webinar that’s gone south before it even started. Besides, if I give the webinar now I’ll do a terrible job because I’m so stressed and no one will get what I’m trying to teach them anyway. It‘s not worth it. I’ll just crawl under my desk and stay there for a while.”

Then some rational part of me made it very clear that quitting was NOT an option.

Breathe.

I decided to use a different webinar account.

I sent out an emergency email to those who had registered with the new access details.

I started the webinar. Twenty minutes late.

I took a deep breath, grounding myself, and began.

Honestly, it was not the best webinar I’ve given.

I did it, though.

I got the message out. It was clear. People appreciated it.

Because my job in this world isn’t to be perfect, it‘s to do my hishtadlus.

Thanks for sticking with me even when things don’t go perfectly.

xo,
Rena