How we accidentally teach people not to trust themselves
Every time we interrupt someone’s emotional process, we’re doing something more damaging than just stopping their feelings.
We’re denying their internal reality.
When a child is upset and we say “you’re fine,” we’re essentially telling them their inner experience is wrong.
When a spouse is struggling and we immediately jump to solutions, we’re communicating that their perception of their situation can’t be trusted.
This creates people who constantly second-guess themselves. Who look outside for validation of their own experience.
Because they learned early that their internal reality doesn’t match what others see, so it must be unreliable.
The antidote isn’t agreeing with everything someone feels. It’s acknowledging that their experience is real for them, even if you see it differently.
“I can see this is really hard for you” validates their reality without requiring you to share their interpretation.
When people feel their inner experience is witnessed rather than corrected, they start trusting their own knowing again.
Rena
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Rena
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