What war brings to the surface

Twenty+ years in Israel. I’d never lived through a war or even a siren until last year’s Hezbollah conflict shook my entire system. The sirens terrified me. I barely left our mamad. It took months to recover.

Then Iran in June came. Scary, yes. But different. I was more regulated in fight mode rather than shut down. I felt like we were all in it together.

Now this war is something else entirely. I find myself moving in and out of dysregulation. Moments where I feel safe, clear thinking. Moments of anxiety, freeze. Moments of complete shutdown. But overall? I’m riding the wave so much better.

Each of these experiences has been different. And I think that’s because each one brings up different things: childhood traumas, old patterns, pieces of myself asking to be healed. My nervous system knows what it needs. It just took a shaking to bring it to the surface.

Before, I didn’t have the capacity. Or the support. Or the wisdom that comes with time. I could only survive, which meant stuffing it back down, going numb, finding distraction. That was the only way through back then.

Now I do have capacity. I have supportive people around me. I have years of my own work behind me. So when things surface, I have a choice: Do I numb it again? Or do I finally face it?

I’m choosing to face it. Even though it’s uncomfortable. Even though it takes effort. A different kind of effort than pushing it away, but effort nonetheless. Because I believe Hashem built my body with the capacity to move through this. And there’s life force on the other side of it.

Which is why I’ve stepped back from the regular rhythm — the emails, the episodes. My energy is limited right now. The war is demanding it. This internal work is demanding it. I can’t do both well.

Your nervous system is always trying to heal something. War just shakes it to the surface faster. But it could be any crisis: family conflict, health, burnout, internal struggle. The mechanism is the same.

If you’re in that place of choosing to face what’s come up instead of numbing it, and you want support, I’m here for one-on-one sessions. Click below to schedule a twenty minute free discovery call.

Supporting your sensitivity,
Rena

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