All nervous system states are good

There is a hierarchy in the autonomic nervous system: regulated is the direction we’re working toward, and fight-or-flight and shutdown are states we move through on the way there (hopefully). But that hierarchy tells us where we’re going. It doesn’t tell us how to treat ourselves or our clients while we’re getting there.

I try very hard not to be black and white about this because I think there are times in our lives when we need all kinds of people and all kinds of experiences. Sometimes we just need to veg out. Sometimes we need something that spikes our adrenaline. Sometimes distraction is genuinely beneficial. Not everything can be mindful and in the moment. Not all of us can do that all the time, and especially not when things are hard.

All states of our nervous system are good. Hashem created all of them. They all have benefits, they all have purposes, they all help us at different times in our lives and in different experiences that we’re going through.

If someone is at a place in their life where they need more fight-or-flight things — more intensity, more activation, more adrenaline — telling them to avoid that is going to backfire because that’s where their nervous system is at.

The healing journey is about expanding what’s available to us, not about eliminating states. It’s about building more flexibility, more range, and more choice so that we’re not stuck in one state all the time, and we can access what we actually need in any given moment.

That’s the work. And it’s slow, and it’s nonlinear, and it includes every state along the way.

Work with your state, not against it.