When safety feels threatening

Some people, depending on where they’re at in their nervous system healing journey, might actually find a regulated person triggering due to something called faulty neuroception.

Neuroception is the way our nervous systems scan for safety and threat below the level of conscious awareness. And when our neuroception is off (which can happen especially for people who grew up in environments where their nervous system was regularly activated without enough repair afterwards) what is actually safe doesn’t feel safe.

I have an example from my own life.

Several years ago, I was working on building more flexibility and regulation in my nervous system, and I tried Qigong. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s kind of the foundation for Tai Chi: very repetitive, slow movements, breath work, hand movements, spinal twists. It’s deeply regulating. Well, it’s supposed to be.

Except every time I did it, my nervous system went haywire.

I would feel this buzz through my whole system afterwards, like I was in fight or flight. I was so dysregulated after doing something that is literally designed to regulate. My system just wasn’t ready for it. I needed other things first.

Now I do Qigong all the time and it’s one of my regular practices. But I could not do it then.

I share this because the same thing can happen with content, with business, with the kind of presence someone brings. A deeply regulated person can feel, to a dysregulated nervous system, like something is just off. Because what is safe doesn’t yet feel safe.

This is the power of Focusing. If you want a dedicated space to drop the noise, tune into what’s already inside you, and practice creating greater flexibility in your nervous system alongside other women, join us for August’s Focusing-Oriented Group Coaching. All the details are here. The early bird ends today.

Warmly,
Rena

P.S. Don’t forget to connect with me on WhatsApp. I share visual reminders to anchor these ideas and link to new content weekly.

If this episode resonated with you, I recommend Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana. This is the book that goes deepest on everything we were talking about — the three states, prosody, neuroception, what regulation actually feels like from the inside. Deb Dana is one of the clearest writers on Polyvagal Theory out there, and this particular book is accessible even if you don’t have a clinical background. Order a copy here — this is an affiliate link which doesn’t cost you anything extra and helps support my work.

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