The face you put out is what people expect

There’s a woman at a bat mitzvah, like a pep team, whose whole job is to get the girls riled up, excited, and into the dancing. She’s the life of the party, and her gift of energy ignites the room.

If that woman put out the kind of grounded, teaching-focused content I put out, she would never get hired. What she does for a living requires her to show herself with all of her spunk. That’s the business she has, and she should market accordingly.

The face that you put out is what people are going to expect of you. And that’s what they’re going to want.

So if you have a business that you feel deeply passionate about, an idea you want to bring out into the world, something that matters to you, then that is the energy you want to be presenting with most of the time.

Not 100% of the time. I record sometimes when I’m more in fight or flight, sometimes when I’m more in shutdown. I’m human. But I try. I try to help myself drop into regulation before I record. I try to put aside whatever I’m grappling with that day that might be getting in the way of me being the version of myself that I want to show up as in my business.

Life is NOT an Instagram reel, as we say. We’re not going to be perfect. But the intention is to show up as ourselves: the regulated, grounded, real version of ourselves, not the version that thinks she has to be someone else to be taken seriously.

If you want a dedicated space to drop the noise, tune into what’s already inside you, and practice showing up from that grounded place alongside other women, join us for August’s Focusing-Oriented Group Coaching. All the details are here. The early bird ends tomorrow.

Warmly,
Rena

P.S. Don’t forget to connect with me on WhatsApp. I share visual reminders to anchor these ideas and link to new content weekly.

If this episode resonated with you, I recommend Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana. This is the book that goes deepest on everything we were talking about — the three states, prosody, neuroception, what regulation actually feels like from the inside. Deb Dana is one of the clearest writers on Polyvagal Theory out there, and this particular book is accessible even if you don’t have a clinical background. Order a copy here — this is an affiliate link which doesn’t cost you anything extra and helps support my work.

Join Soul Tilling (Elul registration opens August 10):