The three voices (and the one that connects)

Let me break down the three states your nervous system can be in when you’re working, presenting, or teaching because I think it’ll change how you listen to yourself and to others.

Fight or flight: high-pitched voice, talking fast, activated tone. Your system is in mobilization mode, trying to get out in front of something it perceives as a threat. You can hear that it’s tight and never quite lands.

Shutdown: the opposite. Everything kind of collapses. Your voice gets quiet, flat and monotonous. There’s no energy behind it because your system has gone into conservation mode.

Regulated: there’s this ebb and flow. Your voice goes up and down, and up and down. Prosody. That sing-song-ness that tells the listener: I’m here, I’m alive, I’m grounded, and you’re safe with me.

Prosody is what babies listen for. It’s what your nervous system is scanning for when you meet someone new. Before we even process the words someone is saying, we’re processing the music of the voice. The rhythm. The variation. Whether it feels alive or flat or scared.

I actually demonstrated this on the episode, rising into fight-or-flight and dropping into shutdown on purpose so you could hear the difference. And when I came back to myself mid-conversation, you could hear the prosody return.

This is what we want to be presenting from. High-pitched isn’t bad and flat isn’t shameful, but regulated is the one that actually reaches people in a way that creates safety and lets your content land.

Here’s what that sounds like in real time. Listen to the full episode here.

Are you noticing this in your business or practice? I’d love to hear from you. Hit reply to let me know.

Warmly,
Rena

P.S. Don’t forget to connect with me on WhatsApp. I share visual reminders to anchor these ideas and link to new content weekly.

If this episode resonated with you, I recommend Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana. This is the book that goes deepest on everything we were talking about — the three states, prosody, neuroception, what regulation actually feels like from the inside. Deb Dana is one of the clearest writers on Polyvagal Theory out there, and this particular book is accessible even if you don’t have a clinical background. Order a copy here — this is an affiliate link which doesn’t cost you anything extra and helps support my work.

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