This moment never existed before, and will never exist again

In Focusing, we want to put it into words.

But — and this is so important but we often forget — we want to fumble and stumble to get those words out. Those fumbling moments are the real Focusing moments. What we’re working with is pre-verbal, and we’re finally finding words for something that did not yet have words.

Why, you might ask?

Because this moment — right here, right now, the moment I’m sitting with this thing inside me — has never existed before and will never exist again. Even if I’m reflecting on something that happened decades ago, my experience of it is happening in the here and now. And since this moment never existed before, my body’s sense of it never existed before either.

I’m not going back to retrieve how I felt then. I don’t even know how I felt then. I might have some cognitive memories of it , or I might not have any. I may have somatic memories. And the body remembers everything.

So what I’m doing in a Focusing session is trying to find the right word for what I’m sensing right here, right now. Not what I felt then. Not what I think I should feel. What I am sensing in this moment is entirely new — even if it’s connected to something very old.

And so the words come slowly. And they come imperfectly. And the therapist reflects something back and it’s slightly off, and I say no, it’s not quite that, it’s more like this — and I fumble toward it again.

That fumbling is where the real shift is happening. That fumbling is what it looks like when someone is actually working at the edge of what language can hold.

There is so much more to uncover in this conversation about why we hold on and how to finally let go. I invite you to sit with me and listen to the full exploration.

Listen to the full episode here: 369 – Why Earth Types Hold On (And How to Let Go)​

Warmly,
Rena

P.S. Don’t forget to connect with me on WhatsApp. I share visual reminders to anchor these ideas and link to new content weekly.

If this episode resonated with you, I recommend Get Along With Everyone: Especially Those You Find Most Challenging by Rabbi Shimon Gruen. This is the book I referenced when talking about the four element types — it’s the framework that shaped how I think about fire, air, water, and earth, and why certain people seem so different from everyone around them. If you’re a practitioner and you’re starting to see your clients through this lens, or if you recognized yourself as an Earth and want to understand that more deeply, this is where to go next. Order a copy here — this is an affiliate link which doesn’t cost you anything extra and helps support my work.

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