What if you didn’t have to fix it?

A reader wrote to me recently:

Her question struck something familiar in me.

I notice this often when I’m giving webinars or with a client. Every so often my voice will crackle, my throat will close up a little bit, or something along those lines. And I’ve started to look at it with curiosity: what might be going on here?
What is it that maybe something in me is scared for me to say?
What might happen if I say it?

When I’m with a client, I don’t usually have the space to go deeply into my own felt sense unless I sense it might be relevant to the client and her process. If it seems like it might hold something valuable for her, then I’ll slow the session down, pause, and reflect on it with her. I might say something like, “What is it like to hear that my throat just closed up?” Or even, “Let me take a moment to reflect on what this might be pointing to and whether it’s relevant for us right now.”

Of course, it depends on the client and the trust we’ve built. But if it’s not appropriate to name out loud, I’ll still acknowledge it quietly inside myself: This is happening. It’s showing up. It needs presence.

And then later, when I have the space, I might return to it in my own Focusing practice and stay curious about what it might have been pointing to.
Usually? It’s fear.
Fear of saying something.
Fear of something being named.

To the woman who asked this question and to any of you who experience the same I want to ask something gently:

What is the worst that would happen if your voice isn’t calm?​
What if that’s what’s real right now?
What would it take to simply accept that, in this moment, your voice is not calm?

Yes, slowing down and breathing and drinking water are all beautiful tools. But what if this moment is inviting you not to fix it, but to be with it?

Take a moment.
Notice how that lands in your body.
Let yourself feel what it’s like to simply say: This is what’s happening right now.

In Western society, we have such a funny relationship with the word acceptance, as if to accept something means we have to like it, approve of it, or agree with it.

But in Hebrew, the word for acceptance is Kabbalah which also means to receive.

To accept something is to receive it. To let it land as it is, not as we want it to be.

So when we are accepting that our voice is shaky, or tight, or uncertain we are really just saying:
​This is what’s being sent my way right now.​
​This is what is.

Instead of constantly trying to use “regulation” tools, what might shift if we simply sit with what’s here and receive it?

If this way of listening to the body speaks to you, and if you’re longing to relate to your own inner responses with more presence, more curiosity, and less pressure to fix, this is the kind of work we do in my retreats and professional training.
Whether you’re a practitioner or someone who wants to live more connected to your body and voice, you’re welcome to join us.

More details are in the flyers below.

Click here to apply to the facilitator training — we start in 5 days on Monday!

Click here to register for a Retreat — save $100 with the early bird that ends in 4 days on Sunday!

If you have a friend who you think might appreciate this, please forward this email to her.

Warmly,
Rena

Training:

Retreats: