116 – The Frum Women’s Insight Panel #2 – “My child needs 100% – What about me?”

Podcast, Relationships, The Frum Women's Insight Panel

This past Wednesday we joined together for the second live Q&A on The Frum Women’s Insight Panel! Our topic was “My Child Needs 100% – What About Me?” Our panelists were Jodi Fried, Sara Shaindel Goldwasser, and Chaya Breindy Kenigsberg.

Here are some of the questions that our panelists answered:

1) My child struggles with aggression and dysregulation. Sometimes I literally feel like I’m in a battlefield. And after an hour and a half of dealing with a total explosion, and trying to keep him, me, and my other kids safe, I’m totally wiped. Often I end up in tears from sheer despair and feeling so bashed. What advice do you have to stay calm in those moments, without it wiping your energy? How you replenish your resources afterward. How can you bounce back into real life, after episodes like that?!

2) There are certain of my kids whose demands feel like they are sapping allllllllllll my energy. Like one request feels like I’m being bullied. How can I not translate their requests as FULL BLOWN I NEED THIS NOW demands?

3) Hi! I’ve been doing a lot of inner work and still have a long way to go. I know that my kids need me a lot more than I am currently giving of myself to them, but I have a hard time putting my “stuff“ on hold in order to fully give to them. I have this fantasy wish of being able to fix all my stuff and then come back to my family fully (maybe a time machine so they don’t need to wait! 🙂 )

4) A) I myself have my own feeling of not being heard and supported by my own parents. But I also literally cannot be there all the time for my own kids. What do I do with this guilt/need? Their needs vs my needs. I can’t seem to find that guilt-free balance. Should I just be ok that they will also feel like their needs weren’t met either, and that’s just part of life?

B) My Mother had a loving, humble personality, whereas my Dad was a tyrant. Mom never raised her voice nor did she hurt us verbally or physically. To my biggest surprise as a mother of 3, I often follow that father figure. My ongoing attempt to grow as a parent I have been taking parenting courses for decades, yet I still have difficulties parenting after my heart. How do I disconnect myself from that father image, the outbursts, and the negativity?

5) A) How to stay calm, not reactive, in the face of a child who is reactive and triggering your own buttons?

B) This might be more of a general question, but do you have any tips for being more laid back and calm? I am in awe of women who are so relaxed and calm even when their house seems to be flying. BH I have worked on myself and my type A personality, trying to fully internalize that only Hashem is in control. I have recently been focusing on Simcha and regularly reviewing Igeres Haramban and definitely feel improvement, BH. I also know that there is so much Bracha and I am definitely not complaining, but would just love to radiate a calm, cool, collected, and happy presence. Any tips and tricks or mantras would be greatly appreciated! 🙂

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Links to panelists’ contact info:

Jodi Fried: http://loveadventuremom.com

Sara Shaindel Goldwasser: https://awakeninggreatness.co

Chaya Breindy Kenigsberg: kenigsbergcb @ gmail.com (remove the spaces)

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Watch the recording of the panel on YouTube: