“At the end of the day I’m an emotional eater”

I’m glad to be back with another question from one of our readers. If you have a question you’d like me to answer please email it to me!

Here’s our next question:

“The ideas behind intuitive eating make so much sense . .

But at the end of the day I’m an emotional eater and not only have I not lost weight in the last 6 years, I have been somehow constantly gaining.

And I’m not talking about pounds… they add up to kilos…

From a size xyz to a size abc (English sizes)

I’m not in dieting mode… I think I have a good relationship with food and don’t beat myself up about my habits (prob thanks to your messages sinking in!)

but what if I really need to lose weight???!!”

Thanks for your question!

There are two parts in your email that need to be addressed:

The first: “But at the end of the day I’m an emotional eater.”
The second: the topic of weight gain.

I’ll answer the first one now, and the second part in another post.

This generation is very into labels. We find ourselves often putting people into boxes and categories.

And we do it to ourselves, too.

By labelling yourself as an emotional eater you have put yourself in a box.

You are NOT an emotional eater. You may eat emotionally sometimes, or maybe even a lot of the time.

I understand that it seems to be all encompassing at times and that it seems like it is a part of you. I am Sara (name made up), and Sara is an emotional eater.

This sort of self-identification does not actually help people move forward with eating normally. If anything, it holds them back.

When we self-identify as something “less than” our ideals, the result is that we tend to act “less than” our ideals:

“I’m an emotional eater, therefore I can’t be trusted around food (because I can’t control myself), and then I eat emotionally (because it suddenly ended up in my mouth because it was right there in front of me since my emotions take over).”

When we remove the self-imposed, false label, and identify with something that resembles our true nature, we’re able to move forward with the things that are important to us:

“I’m a human being, therefore I can be trusted around food (because I need it for my survival and pleasure), and then I eat normally (which includes some emotional eating).”

You are not your actions. Start identifying as what you are: a beautiful neshama, brought down into this world to accomplish wonderful things, including working on yourself to feel safe around all foods.

Perhaps some of these catergories are more aligned with who you truly are…

I am a wife, mother, homemaker. I spend my days nourishing my family, keeping our spaced organized, and helping everyone look their best.

I am a coach. I spend my days coaching my clients, fine tuning my craft, and learning new skills.

I am a business owner. I spend my days managing my books, getting my message out to those who need it, and dreaming up new ideas.

I am a friend and family member. I spend my days connecting to others and to myself by laughing, shmoozing, and opening up.

I am Hashem’s servant. I spend my days davening, doing mitzvos, learning, and working on myself.

I also need to sleep, eat, shower, dress…

But those actions are not my identity.


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