Healing doesn’t happen in isolation

Healing Doesn’t Happen in Isolation

We all grew up in Western culture, as even frum life has been influenced by it. One of its strong values is independence. That includes in healing as well.

We’ve been taught that we can heal on our own, especially over the last decade, with the rise of self-help books and courses on how to heal yourself. And so we’ve been led to believe that we should be able to do this work on our own.

The Imbalance of Hyper-Independence

But we know that our goal is always to find balance. And so when we lean too far toward independence, we’re out of balance.

This becomes especially clear when it comes to working on healing, whether it’s from chronic pain, dysregulated nervous systems, or maladaptive behaviors. There’s only so far we can go when our main focus is doing the work on our own.

If the path itself is out of balance, there will always be something missing from our process.

The Fantasy of Healing Alone

I imagine we’ve all said it, or at least, on some level, desire it: to take a time-out from everything and everyone, to go away for a week or a month or even a year and work on our healing in isolation.

That fantasy might offer some mental relief when we imagine it, but in reality, it doesn’t help us make the changes we want to make because we are both triggered by others and healed in the presence of others.

When we do the work on our own, outside of being witnessed and impacted by others, we miss important aspects of healing. Because as soon as we’re back in relationship, we’re often re-triggered. It’s only with others that we’re able to expand our capacity to tolerate more.

That expansion, that widening of our window of tolerance, happens in the presence of others, especially others whose nervous systems are safe enough.

What Happens in the Retreat Space

When women join my retreats and they’re able to witness others doing this healing work — as well as be witnessed by them — something settles in their systems.

They begin to take in, consciously and subconsciously, that they’re not so different after all.

Yes, the specific details of our lives may differ. But the underlying layers — the things that hurt, the things we long for — are so often the same. And that recognition brings a lot of healing.

For the Woman Who Thinks She Should Be Able to Do It Alone

Women who feel they should be able to do this work on their own are often women who have been hurt over and over again in spaces that should have been healing for them.

And so the natural response is: If people are unsafe and if they keep hurting me then I am better on doing this on my own.

It’s hard to pick ourselves back up after we’ve been hurt in places that were supposed to be safe.

Why This Space Feels Different

There are three main C’s that lead to nervous system regulation:
​Choice, Context, and Co-regulation.

When there’s context given for our struggles, when we feel as though we have choice, and when we’re given the opportunity to co-regulate with others, our nervous systems can’t help but move toward greater regulation.

And this is what my retreats provide, with Hashem’s help.

Our lives are given meaning. The struggles we carry are given understanding. That offers context.

There’s also choice in how each woman chooses to engage with the exercises; nothing is forced.

And there’s the co-regulation of the group, which offers safety cues to the nervous system. It’s this environment that allows your body to come back into a state of deeper regulation.

If you’re feeling the pull toward something deeper
not only learning more, but being held…
not only understanding yourself, but feeling seen in it
then you’re invited to join us.

These retreats are about softening the places inside that have tried to do it all alone.
They’re about being with others in a space that honors your timing, your needs, and your story.